When You Least Expect it -- Expect it!

My name is Pam and I met my husband Sam 6 years ago in October. I was 27 years old and was at the age when I thought I would never get married. My grandmother, however, would tell me that when I least expected it I would meet the man I was looking for.

I would date off and on but I never felt comfortable around men my own age. I grew up in a military family where we moved every three or four years and was forced to grow up quickly. I have always felt more comfortable around men a lot older than myself - but never thought about dating men a lot older than me. I never thought about it until my grandmother died.

My grandmother's death came as a complete surprise. She was 75 but had not been sick a day in her life. She was rushed to the ER early one morning and died three weeks later in the Intensive Care Unit. It was a complete surprise and shock to the whole family.

When we went to the funeral home that my family has always used, there was a new Funeral Director that we had never met. His name was Sam and he was 57 years old (I was 27). The family had been up all night and we all looked terrible. When we (my father, mother, grandfather and me) went in to make the arrangements for my grandmother, I sat down at the table next to the funeral director. We hit it off wonderfully. He was funny, sincere, caring and empathetic all at the same time. He appeared to have the mannerisims that I was looking for in a man - expect for the age part.

We started dating seriously about 6 weeks after my grandmother died and dated for almost a year before we were married.

Sam is very mild mannered, not prone to agitation, empathetic and typical type B personality. I, however, have been known to have a temper, easily agitated and have been called an extreme type A personality. But for some unknown reason when the two of us met we found our other missing half!

Sam has four children all older than I am! They are all very happy for their father - for he has found his life partner - and they know it was not their mother. We are both college educated and have a great sense of humor. The major differences in our marriage are the age factor, personality types and the way we handle confrontational issues.

We have been married for almost five years and seeing as we were both on the opposite ends of the personality spectrum, we have found ways to meet in the middle more and more everyday.

I believe that our differences have had a very positive impact on our relationship. I have learned to become more patient as a result of being married to Sam and Sam has learned new ways of doing everything. He has discovered new and different types of foods that he had never had before. I have introduced him to the computer age! Seeing as Sam came from a very large family (11 siblings) he has introduced me to a large and stable family life - something I never had growing up.

The only problem that our relationship has had has been from my parents. They do not seem to understand that I just cannot be with someone my own age (I am now 33 and Sam will be 63 in October). However, the rest of my family - the ones that really know me - know that Sam is the one for me. I am happier right now than I have ever been in my entire life and I credit that to Sam.

When we go out and strangers see us holding hands or kissing they just stop and stare. There have been many times when couples seated next to us in a resturant will start whispering about us. At first it bothered me and I would be so bold as to go up to their table and ask them if they have a problem sitting next to my husband and me. Now I either do not hear what people are saying or I just ignore them. I am much more comfortable with our age difference and I feel that it is an asset to our relationship. I consider myself a very old 33 year old and Sam a very young 63 year old. I tell people that when you put Sam and Pam together and average their ages you get SPAM at 45 years of age! We both feel like our actual age should be around the mid-forties.

The best device I have found for learning how to negotiate our differences is by watching our friends. Most (95%) of our mutual friends are senior citizens. I am in the Seniors Group at Church and I have learned many new ways of dealing with differences that are so much less visible. The art of being discreet yet effective is definitely a skill that you obtain as you get older. The older folks know this as do I from listening in on their secrets! I am a much more diplomatic person today than I was five years ago.

I have indeed found my life partner and it was just as my grandmother said - When I least expected it!